Sunday, April 1, 2012

a bowl of change, love and memories

4:39 PM.
Jakarta, Capital Region.
weather: heavy rain and thunder...
mood: mellow bin galau, listening to Adele's Someone Like You in background.

this is not a fairy tale.
it's real life.

 it's been awhile since my last blog, honestly? I've never wanted it to be so long between last blog and recent, now. I've prepared a 'previous-written' blog post about 'change'..... Changes that's coming towards me.
things I've wanted to change.
things I cant help to but must changed.
things.... too painful now to described, how much I wanted it to change.
but i cant.

this beginning of the year have brought me so much that I can bear.
I know these changes are coming, I can feel it in the air.
I know it.

But, nonetheless.... God's plan for us is above all, way too powerful than any of the changes we've planned out, hope for.

We, you, I cant help it but be truly faithful to whatever God has given us as planned.
This year, particularly in the first 3 months have been all about changes, life....and moving on.

for myself, I've been giving my life and my future a special plan mapped out in my head.
new me.
new adventure.
new opportunity.
new life.

in my so-called 'perfect theory', it was all easy to do.
that's the key.

In Practice??
Not so much.
obstacles happens. Shit! happens.... *pardon my language*

but I've come out on the other side.
stronger than ever. better... *I know it's very typical, but please bear with me?*

So, that first change in my life already happen as planned.
I moved on,
new me, new opportunity. better.

Though along the way, perhaps I've left also bits of my heart there...... T__T

life goes on, right?

and then it happens....
just when I know I'm fine, in hypothetical and literally speaking, both my mind and my soul are at ease,
God decided to take my hero, my utmost important and precious person in my life away. Forever, For good.

God took my father away....


My first reaction was anger and shock.
I couldn't....won't accept the fact that someone I love, my father was forever gone, taken from me, from this earth...

Then, (it's not denial) I feel I've no control in my life, even more my father's....
It's a sense of  "I'm gonna be fine, My Father is at peace not, he no longer have to suffer"

In short,  I learn to move on.
Though I know deep in my heart, things, and my life post my Father's passing will never ever be the same...
I gotta move on, live my life. 
If not for me, then for my father's legacy in this world....

Dear God, make me strong!
So I chose not to mourn, instead to celebrate My Father's life and His great legacy in me..

I will always love you, Dad! :) :')

sooo, have I mention more and more changes about me to come?
Now, I've live a 'new' life.
with a whole new perspective in life, love and everything in between..... ^^
new attitude.
new spirit.
brand new self conscious  and stronger faith in God and life, afterlife.

But, still  me, in person.
like I believe: People don't change, they just merely reveal....

life happens, changes happen in life.
Sometimes we make those changes or done something that trigger those changes.
Other times, like death..... we cant change. We accept and moved on.

But I'm about to change my life.
For the better.
For me.
For my family.
For the memories of my dear beloved Father...

*every words dedicated to Father, March 19th 2012, mark our goodbye.... xoxo*

precious... My precious

nope! scratch that... billie brown was here.

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