about Emma, the future and a bowl of honesty...

Let it be noted.. It's 8:56 PM I'm at the extra keeper's bed in the hospital, looking after my father. I've got MTV on, barely watch it...just needed a voice to listen to.. What crosses my mind at times like this is just bizzare and totally random! First, while actually disappointed by the new series, I've been checking my timeline on twitter, there's this one tweet thats just hit hard on me.. Well, I kinda forgot the exact phrase but I think it's about when a woman can't say what they truly feels, she'll ask you to listen to a song that lyrics spoke their mind.. And it's truly true for me! At one point I want him to know how I feel but I just can't get myself to say those exact words, songs and lyrics became my savior... And I've been thinking a lot lately about the complicated beauty that's a relationship of a woman and a man. One really great and awesome one is Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew's complicated sad and both tragic relationship that can't be define by label... Is it friends? Lover? Fling? Love? Hate... It's all of it! and it's tragically beautiful.. I don't know if you guys familiar with the novel 'One Day' by David Nichols... I've been touched in an unexpected speechless kinda way from this beautiful piece of modern classic litterature. I've bought this novel out of boredom of waiting for hours at the airport... Something about the tagline that says: " twenty years.... two people" that really drew me towards buying this novel out of impulse. I've know already too that a feature film was already made... So I'm eager to finish before watching the movie. And I did. And I will be forever changed... About the story itself... I will not talk too much about it, I'm afraid you gonna have to watch of read the book yourself to gain my point of view. The concept of two people, of different background, interest, nature and above all gender can be and stay friends without any romantics attachments have already been brought by the movie 'When Harry Met Sally', anyone? But this concept of Em and Dex, Dex and Em is just a different one for me! Turns outs, you can stay friends! Sex probably gets in the way, but if you guys are smart enough like Emma and Dexter? you'll manage, I'm sure... Results? How about a great friendship (and more) that stretches 20 years and lasts a lifetime!! God! I wish someday I have that! Found my Dex... Able to married my best friend...minus the dead part, though! Anyway... It's probably a silly daydreaming episode of my so called finding my Dexter, that special person.. Since I've always seem to be knocking the door myself... The one on the other side, didn't knock right back... Still... I hope one day I can be someone's Emma... Best friend.. Loved too..deeply Someone that makes you a better person. Reality is... He probably doesn't even think of me right now.. I probably meant so little if not nothing to him. He would probably never wanted to be someone else because of me I never that significant to him... But there no point in hating someone you love, is it? Someone you really love? -John Lennon (Nowhere Boy) because "I love you (him), I love you (him)always..... I just don't like you (him) anymore" - Emma Morley (One Day) So... Was I ever loved by you???- Gabrielle (out of reach) And the concept of the future... There's no words that define 'goodbye' than saying "have a nice life" it's probably said with utmost sincere that the other person will really have a nice life, but it also indicate that you're not a part of that someone's future, or you don't want to.... Do I mean what I said? Am I playing with myself and my own true feeling?? There's people that just aren't able to say what in their mind exactly... And I'm one of them. Music is my resort. Consolation. Lyrics that are just suits what I feel... now, to you... But do you get it? Honestly, for me it's always a love/hate then love again relationship to you... Maybe it doesn't seems that at all... But I've tried. You lose. Cause you never say what you truly feels.. 9:36 PM There's so much happen and going on in my life now lately... Its hard, heavy and to much.. Im practically screaming on the inside for a shoulder to cry on.. Hand to bold.. Someone to talk to... But You won't bother to know, care or ask... fine. You were right, I'm a nobody to you.. You certainly proved that! So I'll go, wish you a pleasant life without me in it, And find someone out there that will make me significant in his life, a somebody. And this is the truth. 9:42 PM and I'm done.