about Emma, the future and a bowl of honesty...

Let it be noted.. It's 8:56 PM I'm at the extra keeper's bed in the hospital, looking after my father. I've got MTV on, barely watch it...just needed a voice to listen to.. What crosses my mind at times like this is just bizzare and totally random! First, while actually disappointed by the new series, I've been checking my timeline on twitter, there's this one tweet thats just hit hard on me.. Well, I kinda forgot the exact phrase but I think it's about when a woman can't say what they truly feels, she'll ask you to listen to a song that lyrics spoke their mind.. And it's truly true for me! At one point I want him to know how I feel but I just can't get myself to say those exact words, songs and lyrics became my savior... And I've been thinking a lot lately about the complicated beauty that's a relationship of a woman and a man. One really great and awesome one is Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew's complicated sad and both tragic relationship that can't be define by label... Is it friends? Lover? Fling? Love? Hate... It's all of it! and it's tragically beautiful.. I don't know if you guys familiar with the novel 'One Day' by David Nichols... I've been touched in an unexpected speechless kinda way from this beautiful piece of modern classic litterature. I've bought this novel out of boredom of waiting for hours at the airport... Something about the tagline that says: " twenty years.... two people" that really drew me towards buying this novel out of impulse. I've know already too that a feature film was already made... So I'm eager to finish before watching the movie. And I did. And I will be forever changed... About the story itself... I will not talk too much about it, I'm afraid you gonna have to watch of read the book yourself to gain my point of view. The concept of two people, of different background, interest, nature and above all gender can be and stay friends without any romantics attachments have already been brought by the movie 'When Harry Met Sally', anyone? But this concept of Em and Dex, Dex and Em is just a different one for me! Turns outs, you can stay friends! Sex probably gets in the way, but if you guys are smart enough like Emma and Dexter? you'll manage, I'm sure... Results? How about a great friendship (and more) that stretches 20 years and lasts a lifetime!! God! I wish someday I have that! Found my Dex... Able to married my best friend...minus the dead part, though! Anyway... It's probably a silly daydreaming episode of my so called finding my Dexter, that special person.. Since I've always seem to be knocking the door myself... The one on the other side, didn't knock right back... Still... I hope one day I can be someone's Emma... Best friend.. Loved too..deeply Someone that makes you a better person. Reality is... He probably doesn't even think of me right now.. I probably meant so little if not nothing to him. He would probably never wanted to be someone else because of me I never that significant to him... But there no point in hating someone you love, is it? Someone you really love? -John Lennon (Nowhere Boy) because "I love you (him), I love you (him)always..... I just don't like you (him) anymore" - Emma Morley (One Day) So... Was I ever loved by you???- Gabrielle (out of reach) And the concept of the future... There's no words that define 'goodbye' than saying "have a nice life" it's probably said with utmost sincere that the other person will really have a nice life, but it also indicate that you're not a part of that someone's future, or you don't want to.... Do I mean what I said? Am I playing with myself and my own true feeling?? There's people that just aren't able to say what in their mind exactly... And I'm one of them. Music is my resort. Consolation. Lyrics that are just suits what I feel... now, to you... But do you get it? Honestly, for me it's always a love/hate then love again relationship to you... Maybe it doesn't seems that at all... But I've tried. You lose. Cause you never say what you truly feels.. 9:36 PM There's so much happen and going on in my life now lately... Its hard, heavy and to much.. Im practically screaming on the inside for a shoulder to cry on.. Hand to bold.. Someone to talk to... But You won't bother to know, care or ask... fine. You were right, I'm a nobody to you.. You certainly proved that! So I'll go, wish you a pleasant life without me in it, And find someone out there that will make me significant in his life, a somebody. And this is the truth. 9:42 PM and I'm done.

Leap year

Whats up world??
Yup! Still here... Barely.

There is a sense of changes in the air...
Heavy and thick.... just like my thoughts of you,, me, life, hope, changes.... and pretty much everything in between.

Its a breathe of new hope.
Have i mention it's 2012??

Alot's been said, projected and predicted for this year... But i wil not discuss anything that's not at all related or significant to me.

Call it selfish or ego centric of me! But hey! I have the right to... and my own reason why. Heck! I dont need to explain myself...

Leap year.

Yes, it is 2012... It's what struck me lately. Every turning or the earth takes us fourtly round towards leap year.

First sign of a leap year gou can tell that february's gonna lasts for 29 days thus rounds up a year to 366...

So, what's so special about this leap year?

Well, me personally... This year alone, leap or not holds a very big plans and bope for me.
Even if it's worst case scenario about the so-called end of the world?? I care only towards making changes in my life.

Puting my life in the right path...
Path.

Yes, lately i've been M.I.A out if this 'blogging universe',
I guess simple abd honest reason is because i'm trying to find myself. Real self.
Yes, both in litteral and hypothetically speaking.

Mistakes and wrong turn was amongst the things i dealt.

But i'm fine, to say the least...

Leap year.
Yes, leap...

I dont know if you familiar with the titled movie of Leap Year??

Well... I've done my research. And it is true that there is a tradition of leap year! The movie said that it was Scottish tradition.... Frankly i didnt care about the origin, just the idea of it...

Anyhoo... Tradition said that in leap year, woman can do an act of love, such proposing to the man she love.

Well? Awesome tradition huh???!???

It's amazing!
I just thought that it's an awesomely amazing way to say independence for women!..... waaaaay before the era of Destiny's child Charlie's angels song! #justsaying

Sooo, here's an idea girls?
Go ahead and ask youserlf this: would you??? Would you do that?

Do you think it's amazing? Romantic, perhaps?? .... or just plain stupid???

Anyway you wanna see it, either way you'll decide, allow me to give you a 'perpective'...
*cough cough*

we girls are raise with knowledge about boys, right? Romantically, as we evolve... We begin to understand, arent we?
Men are the ones making the first move.
If the like you, he'll call.
Perhaps, he will ask you out!
But.... Then, what?
Things didnt go as they say in theory, arent they??

You guess, conclude each and every little signs! Just like that movie 'he's just not that into you'-ginny??
I've been there.....

Love? What about it? I guess it'll take another session to talk about this subject, or have i talked about this before???
Nevermind!

So, leap year 'suggested' that YOU! yes you the one to make the first move!
Stupid, isnt it?

Hold on for another perspective!
If you sure and it feels like 'love'.... go on then! But make sure he feels the same!
Is he worthed?
Does he make your geart skip a beat?
Does he makes you laugh even with his awful jokes and remarks?
Does he hold your hand?
Cant think of anyone else but him??

Just make sure that it's not crazy and random love!
Falling in love is great...
Just be sure that he too falling IN love WITH you.

Proposing is a bit much?
Well, maybe just a declaration of love, caring and affection is enough.

For those who thinks it's stupid and hopeless and.... well 'against' the rule of nature, hey! I think that too..

In both odd ways, i'm a sarcastic and sceptical person too, you know!
But taking charge and telling someone you care about is DEFINITELY NOT an act of weakness...

It shows that we're human, after all!

Thought maybe .... with us, it's different. We're not love like the humans.
With us it's forever - Henri (I am number four)

Either way, it's this year... Leap Year.

I'm still at the stage of figuring out if he's worth my love...


For the restless hearts, loving is comforting, but most of all.... being true to yourself comforts the most hearts... ;)

nope! scratch that... billie brown was here.