In the end...it's not the end

In the end...it's not the end. 

I'll take a very big sighs of relieve.... It's almost at the end of yet another year of my life. 
Looking back, seperti ingin refleksi diri... 
Apa apa aja sih pencapaian saya tahun ini? Banyak. Dan tidak juga...

Gimana dengan perubahan kamu? Not much...what it seems, more like what has changed me... Revealed me. 

But then again I always believe people don't change... They, we, I am merely revealed...

2011.
 Tahun ini tahun kelinci, rite? 
Kalo  mau disambung sambungin sih bisa ajaa...
 Kelinci... Big ears, cute and cuddly face, those fluffy hair and hilarious attitude... 
They don't make much noise, much like me towards the end of this year.... 
I chose silence and solitude. Merely to understand myself better... #tsaahh

Apa lagiiii? 
Kelinci  suka melompat?? 
Leap.
 I took a very big leap too at the start of this year. Got my first ever job. None like what I imagine nor expected... But I'm glad. In many ways, it gives me much to learn....to know and ultimately find myself. 
The real me.....sort of! I'm still eagerly learning. 
Now, that I think back.....

No regrets. They don't worth.....-Robbie William...

Those decisions made me what I am. Mistakes are the greatest lesson and mentor in life, not experience. Experiences you can gained, but experience and making mistakes while at it?? Those things will surely reveal you... I am my own best teacher!

So I took the leap. I took the first opportunity came. 
Why? Maybe I'm scare of the uncertainty lies ahead... 
Maybe it's true. 
Regrets? None. 
But honestly?? Yes, there were soooo much regrets and desperation at one point. 
But now....
I can truly say: IKHLAS.... 

Ini jalan yang saya pilih! 
Mengeluh  bukan pilihan!!!

What else?? Kelinci... Saya punya, beli 2 tahun ini juga. 
Now!?? Died. 
Both. 
Nope! Don't wanna talk about it. 

Gak ada lagi deeh relevansi klo mau disambung2in! x__x

*Big sighs*...

 Tahun ini juga tahun mental breakdown saya... In ways of the most ugly version you can imagine.. But I'm perfectly fine talking about it. 

It's like....when you're so low, hit rock bottom at the very low version of you... What you gonna do? Where would you go? .......

the only way is down, I can see that now - Mika. 

Ada ironi yang indah dalam hal yang selalu digemborkan orang dalam the-so-called-journey-of-finding-yourself... #tsaahh

I gone through that road of mine. Many many times now. I've battle against myself in all stages of my life, struggling to stay sane...
 Then again, what is sane? 
If Freud and Einstein do a debate about it?
 What would they say? 
Whose opinion win?
 Lets throw in Mother Theresa too! Or Mahatma Gandhi? 
Walt Disney? 
Martin Luther King? 
Kurt Cobain? 
Marilyn Monroe? 
Or hell...... Let's ask the big 'O'??? Oprah....

Hahaaa... Get the joke??

Ask me? Ask anybody! We, they, I have my own point of view of how is normal 'normal' and how sane is 'sane'....

I've also gained one particular ....fact, shall we say? fact about me and my condition whereabouts. In ways it scares me of finding out, but ironically I feel more of a relieve and sense of gladness about it.... Either way, Jessie J said that it's OK not to be OK. 

Jadi saya terima. 
Saya sudah berdamai dengan ini, itu, dia, mereka. 
Tapi yang terpenting, saya berdamai dengan diri saya sendiri....

Sounds like a bunch of bulls**t??

Maybe... But I'll say it anyway.

Soooo what's left at the end of this 2011?
Any hopes? Yes... Faith must be kept. 
Regrets? Yes...but I've made peace with it. 
Anything you haven't achieve yet?? Plenty of it!!!.... Always keeping my hopes up... Anxiously waiting in silence...while making all the effort I can do!

When one door closes, another one open. Perhaps not soon enough. But be sure it'll come. Maybe a window first...

Banyak spekulasi, harapan, cita-cita, Impian, keinginan, dan segalanya untuk yang akan datang.... 
Yang didepan. 

It's a mystery ...

Buat saya, lembaran baru sajalah!
Tidak menghapus halaman yang ini, hanya menulis pengalaman dan 'penemuan' jati diri yang baru...

Akhirnya?
 Bukan akhir ini milik kita, saya, kamu. Tapi awal. 

The end where I begin....- The Script. 

Selamat membuka lembaran itu. 
Kamu. 
Saya. 
Kita. 
Kami. 
Mereka. 

Berganti, tanpa melupakan...
Mengubah, tanpa membenahi....
Sama, tapi berbeda...

Saya menambah ilmu, pengalaman. usia. 

Mariiii....

Dampingi saya?
nope! scratch that... billie brown was here.