Tuesday, January 24, 2012

It's my life!

*just remember to post it*

Ok. It's around 08.43 PM, was when i wrote this post at a pretty much quite airport boarding lounge...

Time passes fast, instead of slow...
I vaguely watch faces around me..

Still bitter, heavy heart leaving for the Capital tonight, at this very night only!
Any other day I'd feel glad to do so!

What are they?

A turning point at a crossroads?
Yes they are to me now.

It's almost very cliche that I would say: " choices we make, define us", but they are.

*clock still ticking*
I waited in silence and above all in very little strength left...
There's an old gentleman sitting on my right. He waited there, anxiously. Clutching his coat.

To my right, another gentleman talking over the phone, loudly.

*glance at my watch* it's almost 08.55 PM. Our flight got called off. And my thoughts were:"could this be a sign??"

I guess rational thinking went out my window thoughts.
We tend to make believe, what we want to....

At that time, this afternoon I feel soo much more alone and conflicted and confused and burdened weighing me...

Where should I draw the line of must and must not??
Have and have not??

It's a no brainer for me at one point, but today was everything to do with what I am!

I can't leave it.
I won't leave it.
I have to...

I want this! And that!!
Am I being selfish???!??

What is there for me here??
What is there for me there??

*boarding call*

I'm clutching my ticket, blurry vision in my eyes...


I'm here.
I've made my choice.
I've changed it.
I made it again.

Here I am!
I'm answering to your call, dear God!

Let this be a good one.
It's hard and sooo much at stake to leave.
But I chose.
I weighing my options.
I consulted.
Im being responsible, at one point to those who trusted me and those who have faith in me...

But, above all... I made this choice, this responsibility for me.
It's my life??
It's my life.

No one but me to make those decisions.

I wanted to be there. But i want to be here more.
I love them, I grew fond to them. But I gotta start thinking for myself.

*lights went out in cabin*
As it went out in my eyes.
When I opened them, it'll tell me where I am.

nope! scratch that... billie brown was here.

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