Leap year

Whats up world??
Yup! Still here... Barely.

There is a sense of changes in the air...
Heavy and thick.... just like my thoughts of you,, me, life, hope, changes.... and pretty much everything in between.

Its a breathe of new hope.
Have i mention it's 2012??

Alot's been said, projected and predicted for this year... But i wil not discuss anything that's not at all related or significant to me.

Call it selfish or ego centric of me! But hey! I have the right to... and my own reason why. Heck! I dont need to explain myself...

Leap year.

Yes, it is 2012... It's what struck me lately. Every turning or the earth takes us fourtly round towards leap year.

First sign of a leap year gou can tell that february's gonna lasts for 29 days thus rounds up a year to 366...

So, what's so special about this leap year?

Well, me personally... This year alone, leap or not holds a very big plans and bope for me.
Even if it's worst case scenario about the so-called end of the world?? I care only towards making changes in my life.

Puting my life in the right path...
Path.

Yes, lately i've been M.I.A out if this 'blogging universe',
I guess simple abd honest reason is because i'm trying to find myself. Real self.
Yes, both in litteral and hypothetically speaking.

Mistakes and wrong turn was amongst the things i dealt.

But i'm fine, to say the least...

Leap year.
Yes, leap...

I dont know if you familiar with the titled movie of Leap Year??

Well... I've done my research. And it is true that there is a tradition of leap year! The movie said that it was Scottish tradition.... Frankly i didnt care about the origin, just the idea of it...

Anyhoo... Tradition said that in leap year, woman can do an act of love, such proposing to the man she love.

Well? Awesome tradition huh???!???

It's amazing!
I just thought that it's an awesomely amazing way to say independence for women!..... waaaaay before the era of Destiny's child Charlie's angels song! #justsaying

Sooo, here's an idea girls?
Go ahead and ask youserlf this: would you??? Would you do that?

Do you think it's amazing? Romantic, perhaps?? .... or just plain stupid???

Anyway you wanna see it, either way you'll decide, allow me to give you a 'perpective'...
*cough cough*

we girls are raise with knowledge about boys, right? Romantically, as we evolve... We begin to understand, arent we?
Men are the ones making the first move.
If the like you, he'll call.
Perhaps, he will ask you out!
But.... Then, what?
Things didnt go as they say in theory, arent they??

You guess, conclude each and every little signs! Just like that movie 'he's just not that into you'-ginny??
I've been there.....

Love? What about it? I guess it'll take another session to talk about this subject, or have i talked about this before???
Nevermind!

So, leap year 'suggested' that YOU! yes you the one to make the first move!
Stupid, isnt it?

Hold on for another perspective!
If you sure and it feels like 'love'.... go on then! But make sure he feels the same!
Is he worthed?
Does he make your geart skip a beat?
Does he makes you laugh even with his awful jokes and remarks?
Does he hold your hand?
Cant think of anyone else but him??

Just make sure that it's not crazy and random love!
Falling in love is great...
Just be sure that he too falling IN love WITH you.

Proposing is a bit much?
Well, maybe just a declaration of love, caring and affection is enough.

For those who thinks it's stupid and hopeless and.... well 'against' the rule of nature, hey! I think that too..

In both odd ways, i'm a sarcastic and sceptical person too, you know!
But taking charge and telling someone you care about is DEFINITELY NOT an act of weakness...

It shows that we're human, after all!

Thought maybe .... with us, it's different. We're not love like the humans.
With us it's forever - Henri (I am number four)

Either way, it's this year... Leap Year.

I'm still at the stage of figuring out if he's worth my love...


For the restless hearts, loving is comforting, but most of all.... being true to yourself comforts the most hearts... ;)

nope! scratch that... billie brown was here.

New found attitude!

Ok, soooo ternyata saya tidak segila itu....
Masih ada secercah sanity ternyata... Walo sebenarnya masih belum saya temukan untuk apa, siapa pula saya disini...

I just dont feel loved. Needed. Significant. Not much just enough to make me worth my while...

But, these things always comes to me. Constantly now. I know...

Itu...sudah jadi sahabat saya. Galau....dan segala perasaan paling jelek dan down se-down2nya!..

Hingga that moment if ephiphany comes..

Percaya entah tidak, saviour saya bukan orang yang dekat, mengenal saya.
Pahlawan saya itu mereka yanghave absolutely had no idea who i am!.. Thru their work, music, words and melody.

Yes, music saves me...

I found refugee and sanctuary in the words of encouragement of them.
In ways that is somewhat impossible to believe yet it is soo much more relateable than you know, lyrics of those music really knew me, my emotions and what i went through...

Like right now, though i wanted to say ignorance is my best friend, a more suitable words came... It is litterally how I'm interpreting it...


You talk about life, you talk about death,
And everything in between,
Like it's nothing, and the words are easy....

You talk about me, and you talk about you,
And everything I do,
Like it's something, that needs repeating....

I don't need an alibi or for you to realize,
The things we left unsaid,
Are only taking space up in our head....

Make it my fault, win the game
Point the finger, place the blame
It does me up and down,
It doesn't matter now.

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say, or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
And it don't, don't make sense....!

The first two weeks turn into ten,
I hold my breath and wonder when it'll happen,
Does it really matter?

If half of what you said is true,
And half of what I didn't do could be different,
Would it make it better?

If we forget the things we know.
Would we have somewhere to go?

The only way is down, I can see that now....

It's really not such a sacrifice....

And it don't have to make no sense to you at all,
'Cause this is my interpretation, yeah, yeah, yeah....



nope! scratch that... billie brown was here.... With words of MIKA.

Great Expectations

Anda pernah membaca buku ini? from the great author Charles Dickens....
atau mungkin pernah nonton filmnya yang diperankan oleh Gwyneth Paltrow sama Ethan Hwke (totally loove him!) .......
Anyway, saya jadi kepikiran ini buku/film/cerita. tentang kisah random yang tidak terlalu seperti cinta(?). Saya tidak akan menyebut hubungan mereka (Pip dan Estella) cinta! Karena banyak sekali elemen kehidupan yang ditumpahkan didalamnya. What can I say? Charles Dickens is a genius!!!
Saya mencoba tidak melihat kisah ini dari satu point of view saya saja. Saya menempatkan diri saya sebagai Pip, minus kisah bahwa dia sebagai seorang yatim piatu yaa? Betapa hidupnya turn upside down saat dia menjadi 'pelindung' seorang escape convict. Bayangkan! bocah sekecil itu! Mempertaruhkan nyawanya dengan...yah...berbohong? Demi orang yang mungkin bagi kebanyakan orang tidak mau mempertaruhkan nyawa bagi mereka.


Sooo, bodohkan si Pip ini? Koq mau yah mempertaruhkan masa mudanya demi seorang pelarian kriminal/ buronan??? FYI, he was being blackmailed and threatened. jadi, it is safe to say kalo dia melakukan hal itu untuk menyelamatkan dirinya sendiri.
jadi, apakah dia orang yang selfish? mementingkan dirinya sendiri? ooh... come on people!!! Saya berani bertaruh kalo anda berada pada posisi yang sama, anda akan melakukan hal itu! Dont be a Hypocrite!
Ok, kita drop dulu itu. Mari bicarakan elemen lain kisah ini.

Ada juga alasan lain mengapa judul novel ini seperti ini..... dia (Mr. Charles Dickens) mengupas semua tentang perjalanan hidup. dan hal ini (hidup, dan segalanya) terangkum didalamnya.  Simplenya... it's a story about coming of age of a young boy! Anda mengikuti saya? :)
Kisah sentral dari kisah ini sebenarnya adalah Pip dan Estella.... now, it's the central of the story.
....

Saya tidak terlalu simpatik dengan  si nyentrik Estella ini. i mean... what's wrong with her???
agak sedikit cruel dan mature beyond her age deh nih Estella. di filmnya, mungkin bagi yang sudah melihatnya, dimainkan dengan sangat baik oleh Mrs. Chris Martin..(bahkan melebihi aktingnya di Shakespeare In Love).
Hubungan mereka terbangun dengan sangat intens! an d when I say intens, i mean REALLY INTENSE!
the most mamorable scene is probably, the fountain seduction..... hahahaha... roll out your tongue, Estella!
*LOL

lalu hubungan nyentrik ini jadi makin nyentrik dengan kehadiran Miss Havisham yang notabene tante si Estella... buat saya, hal-hal random seperti ini sangat tidak mungkin terjadi di dunia nyata, dan hanya hidup di alam pikiran Mr. Dickens aja.... atau mungkin ada?
entah mengapa kisah hidup dan 'penantian' si Pip, ordinary orphaned boy ini sangat menyentuh saya lately. sebenarnya apa sih yang dinanti? mengapa namanya GREAT EXPECTATIONS? penantian apa sih? apakah momen reunitednya si Pip dengan Estella sang childhood love? tidak! saya tidak akan menyebut hubungan random mereka cinta..... love is not like that! at least in my mind.
Saya yakin kita punya image tersendiri tentang hakikat cinta. apa itu cinta?
saya berdiri pada gambaran saya sendiri tentang apa itu cinta.
Mungkin...suatu saat akan saya bagi, tidak sekarang....

Kisah Pip dan Estella... juga Pip sendiri dengan kondisi mental yang polos, dihadapkan pada orang-orang nyentrik, kehidupan yang keras...pikiran-pikiran dan bakatnya yang extraordinary dalam menggambarkan pikiran tersebut dalam karya lukisannya.... itulah dinamika hidup, well paling tidak dalam batas pikiran Mr.Dickens.
Namun, Pip deserves better than Estella... saya mau Pip menemukan kebahagiaannya, karena dia pantas,bukan hubungan penuh siksaan (dan nafsu) yang Estella tawarkan!

Saya bicara dari POV Pip. Cinta itu tidak menyakiti.
Cinta itu tidak hanya nafsu, lust...
tapi harus membahagiakan....

Random! maaf. pikiran saya banyak.
Banyak yang ingin saya tuangkan... hingga saya bingung memulai dan mengakhiri dari mana.
Yang jelas... saat ini hidup saya saya pandang seperti perjalanan Pip, dengan orang-orang sekitar saya sebagai pemeran lainnya yang menyetir.
Tapi... saya mau akhirnya tidak seperti itu.
Saya mau menuliskan sendiri akhir kisah saya!
Seperti saya bilang.
saya punya gambaran, impian dan cita-cita...seperti apa itu (bukan) cinta.
But, it's greater...

more about Pip and Estella
*buat "Estella" saya. Saya tak mau lagi disiksa olehmu!